you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
