I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
