Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
