I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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