Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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