Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
pray to the hookup gods
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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