the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
