My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
