I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
