Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
