Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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