fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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