So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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