I am in a vortex of obligation.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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