She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
