you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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