I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
