I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
