Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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