so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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