it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
