did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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