apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
