Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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