and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
