DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
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I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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