Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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