How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
