You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
