Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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