remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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