Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
