No stitches, just platelets and will power
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Well I just put wine in my tea
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
