Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
