I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
