Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize