I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
