You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
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