she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
