idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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