Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
