alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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