Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a squirter
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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