If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
