I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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