How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
