it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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