she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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