Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
