is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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