at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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