Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
