we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
