ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
