I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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