He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
