Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
