I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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