he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
