im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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