Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
