i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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