and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
