Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
