Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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