Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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