the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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