I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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