He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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