Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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