YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
