the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
