Your tits are I can't wait for
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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