I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
