non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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