no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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