One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
So many bounce houses so little time
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
